My first full day in Madison, well the morning of it so far

Last night Courtney drove up to Baraboo to pick me up for my long weekend in Madison. I invited her to stay for dinner, where she, Chris and I had steak, green beans and potatoes to eat. It was a nice dinner and afterward we sat around for a couple hours in front of the fireplace catching up on things and recalling memories from years past.

Once we made it back to Courtney's place, we watched a couple episodes of The Office before retiring to bed. I slept for crap and could not get comfortable. You would think after 2.5 weeks of sleeping on a sofa sleeper I would drift away to dream land immediately once laying my head down in a real bed. But alas that was not the case.

I woke up this morning again with the overwhelming feeling of sadness and dread. I never thought I would be back in this place, especially so soon after moving to Germany, and I never in a million years thought my life would be this messed up at this stage in my life. Yesterday I felt so good for the first time in weeks and today it feels like I slid back to a darker place again. Maybe this is all normal; but if it is I want the abnormal...NOW!

I was wondering if yesterday was a better day because it was the first sunny day in over a week and now today is dark and cloudy and it will likely begin to rain any moment now. Can the weather impact my mood so greatly?

Yesterday was also the first time in weeks that I listened to music other than by Alanis and Tracy Chapman. I think that might have helped as well, since music has always been such a big part of my life. Today I chose Jody Watley to listen to and this is the song that came up...probably not the best choice:

I've been around for quite some time
Patiently waiting for you to settle down
But my patience is starting to wear very thin
From stories of your women time and time again

So don't take my love for granted
Or you might lose this good thing
I'm trying to do the best I can for you
And when you stop playing around
You'll really know it's true

That I'm the one you need Baby
I'm the one you need Baby
If you look inside your heart
You'll really know it's true
That I'm the one you need Baby

Cause I care for you
I live for you
I'm not out to get your money
Cause I buy my own clothes
And I play my own rent

All I want from you is love and affection
That'll keep us moving in the right direction
So don't take my love for granted
Or you might lose this good thing

I'm trying to do the best I can for you
And when you stop playing around
You'll really know it's true
That I'm the one you need Baby

I'm the one you need Baby
If you look inside your heart
You'll really know it's true
That I'm the one you need Baby
Cause I care for you
I live for you