Sunday night and into Monday

For much of Sunday afternoon and then for the entire evening, Chris and I sat in front of his fireplace. I can't believe how much I have been around fire in the last two weeks or so. I find it comforting for some reason and am most calm while staring at the flames. Anyway, we sat in front of the fire, me with a bottle of red wine and Chris drinking Pepsi. He decided that if I could have a dry day on Saturday, he would have one on Sunday. I spent some time tonight looking at pictures of the last 7.5 years of my life with Carsten, remembering all the fun times, all the trips and all my different hair styles. It was probably a mistake to look at them, as they made me even more sad, but I miss him so much and even seeing a picture of him reminds me why I am still wanting to make things work. Around 11:30pm, Chris went to bed and I decided to call my friend Laura, as it has been too long since I was in contact with her. We were on the phone for a little over 2.5 hours and as always, she was a great source of support and comfort. Around 3am I finally went to bed and it didn't take long to fall asleep. On a side note, the song that has been in my head for three days now is 2 out of 3 Ain't Bad, by Meatloaf. God I hate that song!! So, this morning I finally got myself out of bed after having a great dream; seriously, I mean anyone who knows me well knows my dreams are usually not that pleasant, but last night I dreamed that Carsten and I lived together, in a warm climate, with our two cats. We were so happy in the dream and full of life and love. When I woke up I thought for a moment that the dream was real life and all this other stuff was just a bad dream. What a shock to my system when it all came back to me what is going on in my life at the moment.