I need a chip inserted

How ideal it would be if someone could insert a chip into my head that would enable me to speak and understand German.  Now, I am sure you are thinking "But it is so much more rewarding when you have worked for something and see the results."  Yes, that is true, but at this point I want to see more/better results.  I know that in general I am not the most patient person, but for real, this is driving me crazy.  It has gotten to the point where every night I have a dream that involves me trying to learn to speak German.  I wake up with German words in my mind.  So, the upside is I know some German words; the downside is I just want to sleep and turn my brain off.  Well, enough complaining from my end.  I guess it isn't all bad and hey, maybe soon I can actually put a sentence together correctly...a boy can dream :)