The Promise

If you wait for me then I'll come for you
Although I've traveled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart
If you think of me If you miss me once in awhile
Then I'll return to you
I'll return and fill that space in your heart

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
If you dream of me like I dream of you
In a place that's warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
I've longed for you and I have desired
To see your face your smile
To be with you wherever you are

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
I've longed for you and I have desired
To see your face, your smile
To be with you wherever you are

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
Please say you'll be waiting

Together again
It would feel so good to be
In your arms
Where all my journeys end
If you can make a promise If it's one that you can keep, I vow to come for you
If you wait for me and say you'll hold
A place for me in your heart.

By Tracy Chapman

Another day and more sit-ups

While staying at Chris', I have access to an Ab Lounger and a Treadmill. Needless to say, both are being used regularly. I really miss my jogging route in Freiburg, but for the time being, the Treadmill will work out just fine.

I met a friend of mine today during her lunch hour. This friend, Kris, sought me out on facebook and a few months ago was able to locate me. We had not seen one another since our high school graduation, so it was a real treat to catch up after so many years; or at least begin to catch up. I am looking forward to seeing her again soon, not only because she is a great person, but because she has really helped me to think through my current situation.

After meeting up with Kris, I stopped by my aunt's work and talked to her for a bit. I am noticing that I really don't like being alone right now and since everyone has a job (which is great in this economy) it leaves me with too much down time. Anyway, once I arrived back home I did Chris' laundry and cleaned the house some before beginning to prepare dinner. Today in many ways was a lot like my life in Freiburg, minus the seeing a friend and my aunt.

Tonight we helped a friend pick up a riding lawnmower and then when we returned home we had a bonfire and enjoyed the quiet, yet chilly, evening. To my surprise, okay not really, I finished an entire bottle of wine while sitting there. My brain is struggling at shutting off and sleep is not coming easy for me, especially right now, but the wine tonight will hopefully help with that.

Day with Dad and dinner with Grandma

This morning I woke up early again and decided to do some more exercising. I decided that when I go back to Germany I want to look even better than when I left. I know, I know, how could I possibly get any better looking, is what your thinking.

Anyway, my dad arrived at noon and we took a trip to Madison to eat at Red Lobster. It has been years since I have eaten there and the biscuits are still as good as I remember. After lunch we took the long way home, which included a ferry ride. I have not been on this ferry I think since I was a kid, so it was a nice treat.

For dinner my brother, Chris, and I ate at my grandma's place. She was so excited to cook us dinner and boy was it tasty. The best part was the apple goody she made for dessert :)

Later in the evening Chris and I went to a local pub to meet up with some of his friends and so I could watch the Cubs baseball game. Again they won against the Brewers!!!!

I am missing Carsten and being in Germany tremendously, but am also enjoying the opportunity to catchup with people back here in the States.

A day with Mom

Today I spent a majority of the day with my mom. I woke up early, as I couldn't sleep with so much on my mind. I went running and did 75 sit-ups. Then got ready for the day and walked over to my mom's place. We decided to take a little drive up to Mauston, WI and then once back in town we went to some shops and then went to see a friend of mine and her new house. It is weird how everything can be turned around and I am able to apply it to my thoughts and situation. I am not happy about this as it makes me feel even sadder, but I guess it is what it is. Later that night I went to a farm with my brother to hang out for a bit. Since it is Wisconsin I guess it was inevitable that I would end up on a farm at some point during this trip. After eating dinner at a pizza place Chris, my brother, and I went out to a local pub to hang with some friends for a bit and watch the football and baseball games on TV. Cubs beat the Brewers!!!! And now we are home and I am getting ready for bed. Tomorrow I am spending the day with my dad and then having dinner at my grandma's place. One would think with all the people I am seeing and running around I am doing I wouldn't have time to think about things, and yet the pain and sadness seems to always be right there with me at every moment.

32 Hour Marathon

I was up for 32 hours yesterday...and for a it of today. It was a long day and one that was filled with many emotions. My flight out of Frankfurt was great. It was smooth and I was able to watch four movies. I cried for most of the flight, but I think that is understandable considering the situation. I had a brief layover in Detroit and then off to Madison. All went as really well.

Later that night my brother had thrown together a get-together and bonfire at his place to welcome me home. Some family and friends were in attendance and it was nice to see everyone. I know I am fortunate for all of them, especially during this difficult time in my life.

Even though I was tired I didn't same able to sleep and thus stayed up with the bonfire quite late and even after everyone else left I stayed up longer to try and think about where my life is at currently and where it is going. In the end I was up for 32 hours straight before going to sleep. And once I did go to bed I was out for a solid 8 hours. I heard nothing and don't think I even moved much either.

But now it is Sunday I am off to visit with my grandma and to go grocery shopping for some food.

At That Particular Time

This is the song that at this moment feels to capture my life quite well...


my foundation was rocked my tried and true way to deal was to vanish
my departures were old I stood in the room shaking in my boots
at that particular time love had challenged me to stay
at that particular moment I knew not to run away again
that particular month I was ready to investigate with you
at that particular time

we thought a break would be good for four months we sat and vacillated
we thought a small time apart would clear up the doubts that were abounding
at that particular time love encouraged me to wait
at that particular moment it helped me to be patient
that particular month we needed time to marinate in what "us" meant

I've always wanted for you what you've wanted for yourself
and yet I wanted to save us high water or hell
and I kept on ignoring the ambivalence you felt
and in the meantime I lost myself
in the meantime I lost myself
I'm sorry I lost myself. i am

you knew you needed more time time spent alone with no distraction
you felt you needed to fly solo and high to define what you wanted
at that particular love encouraged me to leave
at that particular moment I knew staying with you meant deserting me
that particular month was harder than you'd believe but I still left
at that particular time

By Alanis Morrisette

A change in plans

Due to some personal problems, I am temporarily leaving Germany and returning to the States. I plan to continue writing the blog and though the title is William in Germany, for the time being it will not be about my life here in Germany, but rather my life in general and the adventures that come along my way. I am thankful to everyone for their support during this transition. I love you all very much. And a special thank you to Carsten. I love him more than words could express and I am so thankful for the opportunity to experience life with him in another country!!

My goal for yesterday failed

Yesterday will likely go down as my worst day here in Germany. I have a lot going on right now and due to some personal issues I will be taking some time off from the blog. My hope is to be back up and writing on here again within a week or so. Thanks again for all your support during this time.

I have faith...

that today will be a better day. Though I did wake up this morning after having a dream that I was starring in adult films with David Hassellhoff and we were the hottest thing in the business. And what song was in my head when I awoke; Not As We by Alanis Morrisette. However, even with both those things, my goal is to shed no tears today and to not bite off any one's head. Wish me luck :)

Let's see how today goes

I have a feeling yesterday will be remembered (though I wish I wouldn't) as a day that I would rather not have experienced. It started off with me being in class and snapping at a fellow classmate. Now, I know it is hard for you to believe that I could do something like this, but yes it does happen from time to time. To make matters worse, the teacher reprimanded me in front of the class stating I should be nicer and I need to make sure people understand what I am saying. From my perspective, my face said everything and my mouth was just extra!!!

Much of the remainder of my day was spent purging feelings. I basically cried for 8 hours straight. Since I was having so much fun with it, I decided why not add some music to help get it all out even quicker. Enter Alanis and Tracy Chapman. The thing is, I cried a whole heck more but never felt any sort of release.

I woke up this morning and proceeded to release some more feelings and then immediately after my class it all started over again. Tonight Carsten and I are to meet up with a friend, but let's face it, if my eyes are red and swollen from crying I am not going out of the house.

My assumption is that you are wondering where all this emotion is coming from. Well, it appears that my time in Germany will likely be coming to an end soon and I am feeling really torn and upset by this. Since I tend to over-think things (one of my very few faults) I have avalanched (I don't think this is a real word but I'm using it anyway) into what my life would be back in the States and am picturing myself working at Wal-Mart back in my hometown. I guess it could be worse, which is probably where my mind will go today!

With that, I want to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has read my blog and provided me support and encouragement during this journey. Whether this experience has in fact come to an end has yet to be seen, but no matter what I want to thank you for sharing it with me.

No 'real' entry today

I am taking a personal day away from the blog today; instead I am listening to Alanis Morissette and purging some of my built feelings.

Have a great Labor Day for all you in the US!!!

Wish tomorrow was a holiday here!

Today was a bit of a rough day. I had a couple glasses of wine on Saturday night while on the phone with my brother, and I think this may have been a bad idea since we were going to a beer garden later in the night. At any rate, we had a fun time, but clearly beer and wine don't mix. After the beer garden last night the three of us, (me, Carsten and Björn) went to a bar/dance club. I'm not sure exactly when we got home, but today we were both tired throughout the day.

In the mail on Saturday I received a gift box from my aunt and one of the contents was popcorn. So, guess what I ate tonight during the Sunday night crime series? You guessed it, a big bowl of popcorn. Oh my was it good!!! Another item in the box was peanut butter, which I had for breakfast on an English Muffin. I think I need to space this stuff out so it last longer because at the rate I am going it won't even last one week :)

It really feels like fall

The weather here has turned quite cold, cloudy and rainy. It feels like autumn with winter close on its heels. I don't mind too much, though I must admit I am not looking forward to riding my bike in such cold, snowy weather. The winters here are much better than back in the Midwest, but that isn't saying much since winter there can be quite horrendous.

So today began with me making a quick trip to the bakery to buy some fresh rolls for breakfast. After eating we went to the grocery store to buy some veggies and other stables for the week. This afternoon Carsten went to meet a friend for coffee and I finished the book I was reading. It was a murder mystery called Firewall by Henning Mankell. He is a brilliant author and his books are quite top-notch.

Tonight Carsten and I are to meet a friend of Carsten's from his days at the University. Though it is quite chilly out, we are meeting at a beer garden; I mean, isn't that what is done here in Germany?!?

Another week is over

I am glad to see this week end. I see the weekend as being a time to regroup, to rest one's brain and the accumulate energy for the week ahead. I am still amazed at how much one's brain works. It feels to me as though my rarely rests; maybe if I didn't have such vivid dreams and could sleep through the night my mind would be better rested, but that is not the case.

I had hoped to hear something from the two jobs I interviewed for this week, but that didn't happen. I know both places could work for me, they would just entail making some major changes. But I guess that is what life is all about. I mean, if two years ago someone said I would be living in Germany, I would have thought they were crazy, but here I am.

I think most people who know me are aware of my belief that things happen for a reason an that it is up to us to figure out what the reason is. Right now I don't know what is going to happen, where I will end up and how things will look. Hopefully within the next week or so at least some things will begin falling into place. In the meantime, I have my German Integration class to occupy my time and in just two months I have a major exam I need to take, and of course pass!

Happy Birthday Aunt Sugar!

Today my aunt turns, well, let's just say it's her birthday :) As you can see from the heading I call her Aunt Sugar. According to the story told to me, as a young(er) person I was not able to say her name correctly and would call her Aunt Sugar instead of Aunt Cheryl. The name stuck and she still gets called it, at least by me. It seems pretty fitting as well as she is one of the sweetest people you could ever meet and is so full of life, love and joy. She is a real pleasure to be around and I am very thankful to know she has my back!!

By the way, this picture is from Christmas 2005 and as you can see from the photo, she wants more gifts. You know I like that in a person, gimme, gimme more, gimme more, gimme, gimme more.

The good news keeps coming (that's sarcasm)

With the teaching job possibly out of the picture, I looked at the flight to the US that I was hoping to take in December. If I get the job of teaching English to the children in Basel, then that trip can't happen, so with it on hold I looked at the flight and now it is no longer available. Other flights do exist, but they cost roughly 100 Euros ($144) more than the flight I originally looked in to. Time to do some deep breathing and remind myself that everything happens for a reason. And right now that reason must be to work my last nerve :)

And like that things change

Well, I just received an email from the job in Basel that they are doing some checking to ensure that I have the necessary qualifications to do the job. So much for having a doctorate degree :) Now, at this time the three-day trial work that was scheduled for next week is on hold and I should hopefully hear something by next Monday. From my perspective, this should have been dealt with before offering me the 3-day trial run, but what do I know?!?

Oh, and of the other jobs I have applied for here, most have returned my vitae thanking me for applying but stating they are not interested in me. Such a boost for one's self-esteem :) However, because I tend to be a bit narcissistic and am able to complement myself like you wouldn't believe, I will say this about me; I am one persistent, young, attractive, highly intelligent and modest human being!

Thinking on the job situation

I decided that after my class today, which went by really fast, that I would do some studying (working ahead in my workbook) and also writing out some thoughts on the two jobs. Though neither job has made an offer, I want to have my thoughts in order in case that time comes. The job in Basel doesn't begin until the beginning of November; however, the job in Chicago could start as early as the end of this month. So, many thoughts are going through my brain right now. Both sides have pros and cons and according to Carsten I need to make my decision based on my mind not my heart. In other words, the German way :) Now, anyone who knows me has got to realize that me making a decision without involving my heart is like me saying no to a Gin and Tonic. Basically it isn't going to happen!!! Where is Dionne Warwick and her Psychic Friends Network right now to tell me what my future holds???

Another job interview

Today was a good day. I had my class this morning and although I had one month off, I have not forgotten as much as I had expected. I am not saying I remember everything, but I seem to remember enough :)

My afternoon was filled with homework and some cleaning and then late afternoon/early evening my time I had a phone interview for a job in Chicago. The interview lasted 1.5 hours and went really well. I really enjoy interviewing and I had a good time during this one. Now it is a waiting game to see what happens. It looks like I have a lot of things to think about and try to make sense of my situation. Any feedback or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

In other news, all is going well and I am looking forward to seeing what this next phase in my life is going to look like.

My return to school

It is hard to believe that my one month of vacation is already over. For the most part, it was a fun month off, with only a couple of blips in things. But now it is back to the books and having some structure in my life, or at least in the mornings.

In other news, the job I interviewed for yesterday has already sent me an email asking me to come for three days next week on a trial basis to see how the kids like me. I am not sure how that will work with my own schooling, as well as wanting to get paid for my time, but hopefully I can get answers to those things in the next couple of days.