My Weekend: The Cliff Note Version

Friday night was one of the most fun I have had in several weeks and by far the best time since I have been in Baraboo. What made it so great was that while we were out at a local pub two of my cousins, Lori and Lindsey, joined us out. It was great to see them and to spend time with them, but what made it really special was hearing Chris and Lindsey performing karaoke to the song "Like A Virgin." I laughed so hard my stomach hurt!

Saturday was a low-key day for me. I had a hard time getting out of bed and didn't have much ambition to do much once I was up. We did have a yummy brunch of cinnamon French toast and fresh pork bacon. Chris went out to mow the lawn and pick up leaves while I swept out the garage. And after two weeks of being here I finally had a phone conversation with Carsten. It was not the feel-good call I wanted, but it was great to hear his voice. After the phone call I felt sad, empty and totally depleted of any emotion. I began to wonder how you can love someone so much and at the same time feel such distance from them. In the evening Chris and I had a bonfire and just sat outside watching the fire, telling stories of our lives and each trying to figure our lives out.

Sunday was an earlier day than Saturday. We had a tasty breakfast and then got ready to go to the mall shopping. Neither one of us has any extra money, but we both still managed to make purchases. Chris bought himself a new pair of tennis shoes, which look great on him. I bought myself a great green raincoat, so that when/if I return to Germany I will have something to wear while I ride my bike in the wet weather. My other purchase was a new pair of jeans. I don't wear jeans often and only own a couple pairs. However, I have been losing weight and the one pair I packed for this trip back to the US doesn't fit me as well. When I left for Germany last October I weighed the most I have ever in my life, 207 pounds. However, now I am 184 pounds and down from a size 35/36 to a 32/33. So, my new jeans are the skinny brand of jeans and I felt great when I tried them on. Plus, my back side looks fan-friggin-tastic!! To make the deal even sweeter, they were 50% off!!! Once back home, Carsten phoned again, and again although I love hearing his voice, what is actually said hurts my heart and makes me feel sick to my stomach.

And now, I am sitting in front of the fire place, with the cold, rainy weather outside just trying to make it through another day.

Doom and Gloom has set in

It has been a couple of days since I last wrote and for good reason, I just didn't have the energy to put forth the effort. If I thought I was depressed before, this week has kicked my butt and let me know that I haven't seen anything yet. The weather has also turned sour here this week, which I believe has only heightened my negative state.

On Wednesday a friend came to the door to visit me, but I couldn't even manage to answer the door. I don't know if she knows I was sitting right there, and if she does I hope she doesn't take it personally. I was in no place for visitors and instead of saying so I took the lazy way out and just didn't move. For the rest of Wednesday I made homemade Chicken and Dumpling Soup. It was my first time and I didn't even use a recipe. I am a caretaker at heart and even if I am feeling bad, I am still here to help take care of Chris. As a side note, I had no idea how long it took to make this...dang, it is basically an entire day project. In addition to making the soup, I finished one book and then immediately began another. I don;t have TV or phone here and every song I hear makes me cry, so I decided to bury myself in books. On Wednesday night Chris and I managed to have a bonfire in between the rain. Since being here I have found fire and bonfires to be relaxing and meditative. Now, if only the rain would stop so we could have more of them!

For Thursday I had big plans for getting up early, getting ready and heading for the local coffee shop, just to get me out of the house. However, upon waking, my mood was the same as the previous day, maybe even a bit lower. Someone again came to the door and I just let it go. The social butterfly I one was appears to be hibernating. A bit later the door bell rang again and it was the same friends. I decided that I should at least acknowledge them since the made the effort to stop by not one, but twice in one day. We ended up talking for over 3 hours, which all though it was nice to see them and catch up, I just couldn't shake the heaviness of my body and wanting to be alone with my gloom.

Once these friends left I needed to get ready as I was having dinner with my friend Kris at her place. It was a fun night and the food was great, though I think we might have had too much Gin and wine, assuming that is even possible.

And here I am at Friday. I have been here for about two weeks and feel no better, maybe even worse, than when I arrived. As much as I have enjoyed seeing family and friends and occasionally meeting new people, I can't help but think of how much better this would be if I wasn't burdened with so much pain and sadness. Chris tells me people understand and I shouldn't worry about it. Maybe he is right, but in the end all that is easier said than done.

Not the person I once was

Over the past couple of weeks I have begun to take stock of who I am as a person. I have noticed that I am not the person I once was. I often saw myself as happy, fun to be with and to use my humor as much as possible. I liked life for the most part and though some saw me as being pessimistic at times, I believe it was my defense mechanism to prepare for the rough times in life. As of late, I now see myself as an empty shell of who I once was. I feel like a failure, a loser and pathetic. My happiness now is forced and not genuine. I don't like this new me and at the same time I have no desire to change. My zest for life has left me, at least for the time being. Some say time heals all wounds. Maybe this is true, but the wound I feel currently is so consuming of me I can't even begin to imagine how much time it would take to heal. My spirit is broken, my faith in people is tainted and all my tears never seem to bring me any sense of relief from the pain that consumes my body.

Yesterday

I meant to write about my day yesterday last night, but just couldn't muster up the energy. So, here is a recap of the day.

It was a colder, rainy day and felt very much like fall was settling in. I had plans to walk with my friend Kris during her lunch break but due to the weather, we decided to do some shopping instead. We made a quick run out to the Super Walmart and then stopped by Farm and Fleet. While in there I heard a song that brought back happier memories of Carsten and really seemed to impact my mood. I tried to hide it, but for the rest of the day I just felt a little sadder. After Farm and Fleet we went to a local store here in Baraboo that sells kitchen and cooking stuff. I love the store, but I also find it a bit pricey, especially for this town.

After my time with Kris I met my Aunt Sugar for lunch. We went to where we always go and I got my favorite thing on the menu there, Buffalo Chicken Salad. I wasn't able to eat all of it, but I did pretty well.

After lunch I ran to the grocery store to pick up a few things for dinner on Wednesday, as I am trying out something new for dinner.

Once Chris arrived home from work we were off to our grandma's for dinner at her place. She made BBQ ribs, au gratin potatoes, corn and salad and then for dessert some really yummy chocolate pie thingy.

Chris was exhausted due to the late night on Monday and thus he fell asleep wherever he was, the chair, the couch and then back home he was out on the couch for a few hours before making his way into bed. As for me, I was on the phone talking to my gal pal Laura and also with Courtney for a bit.

At the end of the night I read for a while about one man's struggle with kidney disease. Although I don't have a disease, my broken heart at times feels like one and some of the things he wrote about, in terms of giving up and feeling alone and isolated, really hit home. I finished half the book and plan to finish the rest today.

A request, without the dedication :)

I want to again thank everyone for their support during this time of my life; the amount of support has been fantastic. That being said, I am asking you to not ask how I am doing, how I am feeling or what my plans are. I am feeling sad, hurt and scared for my future. I am not doing all that well and I have no idea what my future holds at this time. I ask you not to share your opinions unless specifically asked and to keep your analysis of my situation until deemed appropriate. I know everyone means well, but it is all becoming a bit too overwhelming for me to take in at this time. I love you all dearly, but until I figure some things out, I have no answers to your questions. I thank you in advance for your understanding during this time. Much love!!!

A night by the bonfire

Well, I cleaned as planned for today. Actually, due to my high level of anxiety today I cleaned the inside of the house as well as raked some of the lawn and swept the two driveways. Clearly I had a lot of energy :) Later in the night Chris and I had a bonfire and our mom joined as well for bit. Even later in the night a female friend of ours named Allyson joined as well. It was a fun night, but late night. While Chris and I were alone we again talked about our life and what we want from it.
He didn't always say what I wanted to hear, but maybe what I needed to hear! He has a lot of insight and and though our lives are quite different, some things are just universal.

Changing plans for today

My goal for today was to get up early, go running and do some sit-ups and then get ready to have lunch with a therapist friend of mine to talk through my current situation and to help me find some clarity and to possibly find a solution to my infinite sadness. However, after another night of horrible sleep filled with even worse dreams about being rejected, abandoned and murdered, I found it hard to actually get out of bed today. Thus, I didn't go running, but I did do my sit-ups. As for lunch with my friend, it needs to be rescheduled due to illness on her end. Although I was bummed at first, another friend stepped up to the plate and invited me to go walking this afternoon. Now I don't have to worry about not running because I will be walking for close to two hours when all is said and done. Once I get back from the walk I should finally do some laundry and quite possibly clean up the house. I mean, it has been three days since I cleaned here.

The weekend comes to a close

After brunch today, Chris and I laid low for a while. With stuff to do but no real motivation we found comfort in the living room, as well as sitting in the sun in the backyard talking about life and the road to happiness. Later in the afternoon I went over to my friend Michelle's place. I have not seen her since last year before I left, so it was great to catch up on things. The funniest thing about the visit was I drove over to her house using Chris' huge truck. It is my first time driving in nearly one year and so I was a bit scared, especially since his truck is gigantic. But I had no troubles at all and made it back safe and sound.

For dinner Chris and I made chicken on the grill and had corn and stuffing. I am noticing that I am eating way more for dinner here than I ever did in Germany, except for the times when Carsten and I were visiting his mom, then I ate everything in sight.

After dinner I started to feel pretty sad again. Chris had started a fire in the fireplace and we just sat there, enjoying the warmth and talking more about our lives and how we have ended up in our current situations. We are both in pain and although I want to be back in Germany, part of me is glad to be here with my little brother right now too.

My weekend so far...

On Friday afternoon I went to see my friend Kris again and we went to Walmart. My first time there since being back in the States. They have a new look, but still the same ol' store. On Friday night Chris and I went out with some friends to a bar in Baraboo I had never been to before. I had been warned, I mean told, about this place ahead of time, and it wasn't half as bad as I expected. We had a good time, I met some new people and was able to reconnect with some old friends. I was told through out the night that I looked sad, so although I am trying to put on a happy face, clearly I need to work on it some.

On Saturday Chris and I decided to have a bit of a lazy day. We dumped off the compost and then went to Walmart to buy some toiletries. We watched a DVD in the afternoon and just hung out outside for the rest of the day. For dinner we went out with my mom and her husband to the new Mexican restaurant in Baraboo. It was way, way better than I expected. I mean everything was delicious!!! I did not have a margarita, yet, as I knew I was going out tonight and didn't want to mix my alcohol. After dinner, Chris and I met out with a bunch of our (his) friends for a birthday celebration. It was a long but fun night. I got to meet more new people and again catch up with some I haven't seen or talked to since before I moved to Germany. I was again told that I looked sad, especially in my eyes.

Today is Sunday and Chris and I will make brunch at the house and then see what the day brings. I might be ale to meet up with a friend of mine today to catch up on thing, as well as possibly going out again tonight with some friends of Chris'.

Missing

I have been back on the States for about one week and although it is great being back with my family and friends, meeting new people and hanging out with the old group, I am really missing Carsten and my life back in Germany. Besides Carsten, I miss my girls Zoe and Lela as well as my comfy bed!!! Here I am sleeping on a sleeper sofa and though it is better than the floor, it isn't nearly as good as my new bed back on Freiburg. I have received emails from a couple of people from my class in Freiburg and am even missing the class as well.

Glad it's Friday

Yesterday was not a very good day. Though I did go shopping (I didn't buy anything) with my friend Aimee, the rest of the day I was basically curled in a ball on the floor in tears. From an outsider looking in I am sure it looked pretty pathetic, but that's where I was at that moment.

In the evening I went for a walk with my mom and then later back at Chris' place we lit a fire in the fireplace. It didn't take long after that for both of us to feel quite drowsy. Thus, last night was the earliest I have been to bed since I arrived in Baraboo.

I don't have too much on the agenda for today, but my goal is to stay off the floor as much as possible. I believe Carsten might be at his mom's place this weekend, so it looks like we are both turning to our family for support right now.

The Promise

If you wait for me then I'll come for you
Although I've traveled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart
If you think of me If you miss me once in awhile
Then I'll return to you
I'll return and fill that space in your heart

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
If you dream of me like I dream of you
In a place that's warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
I've longed for you and I have desired
To see your face your smile
To be with you wherever you are

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
I've longed for you and I have desired
To see your face, your smile
To be with you wherever you are

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
Please say you'll be waiting

Together again
It would feel so good to be
In your arms
Where all my journeys end
If you can make a promise If it's one that you can keep, I vow to come for you
If you wait for me and say you'll hold
A place for me in your heart.

By Tracy Chapman

Another day and more sit-ups

While staying at Chris', I have access to an Ab Lounger and a Treadmill. Needless to say, both are being used regularly. I really miss my jogging route in Freiburg, but for the time being, the Treadmill will work out just fine.

I met a friend of mine today during her lunch hour. This friend, Kris, sought me out on facebook and a few months ago was able to locate me. We had not seen one another since our high school graduation, so it was a real treat to catch up after so many years; or at least begin to catch up. I am looking forward to seeing her again soon, not only because she is a great person, but because she has really helped me to think through my current situation.

After meeting up with Kris, I stopped by my aunt's work and talked to her for a bit. I am noticing that I really don't like being alone right now and since everyone has a job (which is great in this economy) it leaves me with too much down time. Anyway, once I arrived back home I did Chris' laundry and cleaned the house some before beginning to prepare dinner. Today in many ways was a lot like my life in Freiburg, minus the seeing a friend and my aunt.

Tonight we helped a friend pick up a riding lawnmower and then when we returned home we had a bonfire and enjoyed the quiet, yet chilly, evening. To my surprise, okay not really, I finished an entire bottle of wine while sitting there. My brain is struggling at shutting off and sleep is not coming easy for me, especially right now, but the wine tonight will hopefully help with that.

Day with Dad and dinner with Grandma

This morning I woke up early again and decided to do some more exercising. I decided that when I go back to Germany I want to look even better than when I left. I know, I know, how could I possibly get any better looking, is what your thinking.

Anyway, my dad arrived at noon and we took a trip to Madison to eat at Red Lobster. It has been years since I have eaten there and the biscuits are still as good as I remember. After lunch we took the long way home, which included a ferry ride. I have not been on this ferry I think since I was a kid, so it was a nice treat.

For dinner my brother, Chris, and I ate at my grandma's place. She was so excited to cook us dinner and boy was it tasty. The best part was the apple goody she made for dessert :)

Later in the evening Chris and I went to a local pub to meet up with some of his friends and so I could watch the Cubs baseball game. Again they won against the Brewers!!!!

I am missing Carsten and being in Germany tremendously, but am also enjoying the opportunity to catchup with people back here in the States.

A day with Mom

Today I spent a majority of the day with my mom. I woke up early, as I couldn't sleep with so much on my mind. I went running and did 75 sit-ups. Then got ready for the day and walked over to my mom's place. We decided to take a little drive up to Mauston, WI and then once back in town we went to some shops and then went to see a friend of mine and her new house. It is weird how everything can be turned around and I am able to apply it to my thoughts and situation. I am not happy about this as it makes me feel even sadder, but I guess it is what it is. Later that night I went to a farm with my brother to hang out for a bit. Since it is Wisconsin I guess it was inevitable that I would end up on a farm at some point during this trip. After eating dinner at a pizza place Chris, my brother, and I went out to a local pub to hang with some friends for a bit and watch the football and baseball games on TV. Cubs beat the Brewers!!!! And now we are home and I am getting ready for bed. Tomorrow I am spending the day with my dad and then having dinner at my grandma's place. One would think with all the people I am seeing and running around I am doing I wouldn't have time to think about things, and yet the pain and sadness seems to always be right there with me at every moment.

32 Hour Marathon

I was up for 32 hours yesterday...and for a it of today. It was a long day and one that was filled with many emotions. My flight out of Frankfurt was great. It was smooth and I was able to watch four movies. I cried for most of the flight, but I think that is understandable considering the situation. I had a brief layover in Detroit and then off to Madison. All went as really well.

Later that night my brother had thrown together a get-together and bonfire at his place to welcome me home. Some family and friends were in attendance and it was nice to see everyone. I know I am fortunate for all of them, especially during this difficult time in my life.

Even though I was tired I didn't same able to sleep and thus stayed up with the bonfire quite late and even after everyone else left I stayed up longer to try and think about where my life is at currently and where it is going. In the end I was up for 32 hours straight before going to sleep. And once I did go to bed I was out for a solid 8 hours. I heard nothing and don't think I even moved much either.

But now it is Sunday I am off to visit with my grandma and to go grocery shopping for some food.

At That Particular Time

This is the song that at this moment feels to capture my life quite well...


my foundation was rocked my tried and true way to deal was to vanish
my departures were old I stood in the room shaking in my boots
at that particular time love had challenged me to stay
at that particular moment I knew not to run away again
that particular month I was ready to investigate with you
at that particular time

we thought a break would be good for four months we sat and vacillated
we thought a small time apart would clear up the doubts that were abounding
at that particular time love encouraged me to wait
at that particular moment it helped me to be patient
that particular month we needed time to marinate in what "us" meant

I've always wanted for you what you've wanted for yourself
and yet I wanted to save us high water or hell
and I kept on ignoring the ambivalence you felt
and in the meantime I lost myself
in the meantime I lost myself
I'm sorry I lost myself. i am

you knew you needed more time time spent alone with no distraction
you felt you needed to fly solo and high to define what you wanted
at that particular love encouraged me to leave
at that particular moment I knew staying with you meant deserting me
that particular month was harder than you'd believe but I still left
at that particular time

By Alanis Morrisette

A change in plans

Due to some personal problems, I am temporarily leaving Germany and returning to the States. I plan to continue writing the blog and though the title is William in Germany, for the time being it will not be about my life here in Germany, but rather my life in general and the adventures that come along my way. I am thankful to everyone for their support during this transition. I love you all very much. And a special thank you to Carsten. I love him more than words could express and I am so thankful for the opportunity to experience life with him in another country!!

My goal for yesterday failed

Yesterday will likely go down as my worst day here in Germany. I have a lot going on right now and due to some personal issues I will be taking some time off from the blog. My hope is to be back up and writing on here again within a week or so. Thanks again for all your support during this time.

I have faith...

that today will be a better day. Though I did wake up this morning after having a dream that I was starring in adult films with David Hassellhoff and we were the hottest thing in the business. And what song was in my head when I awoke; Not As We by Alanis Morrisette. However, even with both those things, my goal is to shed no tears today and to not bite off any one's head. Wish me luck :)

Let's see how today goes

I have a feeling yesterday will be remembered (though I wish I wouldn't) as a day that I would rather not have experienced. It started off with me being in class and snapping at a fellow classmate. Now, I know it is hard for you to believe that I could do something like this, but yes it does happen from time to time. To make matters worse, the teacher reprimanded me in front of the class stating I should be nicer and I need to make sure people understand what I am saying. From my perspective, my face said everything and my mouth was just extra!!!

Much of the remainder of my day was spent purging feelings. I basically cried for 8 hours straight. Since I was having so much fun with it, I decided why not add some music to help get it all out even quicker. Enter Alanis and Tracy Chapman. The thing is, I cried a whole heck more but never felt any sort of release.

I woke up this morning and proceeded to release some more feelings and then immediately after my class it all started over again. Tonight Carsten and I are to meet up with a friend, but let's face it, if my eyes are red and swollen from crying I am not going out of the house.

My assumption is that you are wondering where all this emotion is coming from. Well, it appears that my time in Germany will likely be coming to an end soon and I am feeling really torn and upset by this. Since I tend to over-think things (one of my very few faults) I have avalanched (I don't think this is a real word but I'm using it anyway) into what my life would be back in the States and am picturing myself working at Wal-Mart back in my hometown. I guess it could be worse, which is probably where my mind will go today!

With that, I want to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has read my blog and provided me support and encouragement during this journey. Whether this experience has in fact come to an end has yet to be seen, but no matter what I want to thank you for sharing it with me.

No 'real' entry today

I am taking a personal day away from the blog today; instead I am listening to Alanis Morissette and purging some of my built feelings.

Have a great Labor Day for all you in the US!!!

Wish tomorrow was a holiday here!

Today was a bit of a rough day. I had a couple glasses of wine on Saturday night while on the phone with my brother, and I think this may have been a bad idea since we were going to a beer garden later in the night. At any rate, we had a fun time, but clearly beer and wine don't mix. After the beer garden last night the three of us, (me, Carsten and Björn) went to a bar/dance club. I'm not sure exactly when we got home, but today we were both tired throughout the day.

In the mail on Saturday I received a gift box from my aunt and one of the contents was popcorn. So, guess what I ate tonight during the Sunday night crime series? You guessed it, a big bowl of popcorn. Oh my was it good!!! Another item in the box was peanut butter, which I had for breakfast on an English Muffin. I think I need to space this stuff out so it last longer because at the rate I am going it won't even last one week :)

It really feels like fall

The weather here has turned quite cold, cloudy and rainy. It feels like autumn with winter close on its heels. I don't mind too much, though I must admit I am not looking forward to riding my bike in such cold, snowy weather. The winters here are much better than back in the Midwest, but that isn't saying much since winter there can be quite horrendous.

So today began with me making a quick trip to the bakery to buy some fresh rolls for breakfast. After eating we went to the grocery store to buy some veggies and other stables for the week. This afternoon Carsten went to meet a friend for coffee and I finished the book I was reading. It was a murder mystery called Firewall by Henning Mankell. He is a brilliant author and his books are quite top-notch.

Tonight Carsten and I are to meet a friend of Carsten's from his days at the University. Though it is quite chilly out, we are meeting at a beer garden; I mean, isn't that what is done here in Germany?!?

Another week is over

I am glad to see this week end. I see the weekend as being a time to regroup, to rest one's brain and the accumulate energy for the week ahead. I am still amazed at how much one's brain works. It feels to me as though my rarely rests; maybe if I didn't have such vivid dreams and could sleep through the night my mind would be better rested, but that is not the case.

I had hoped to hear something from the two jobs I interviewed for this week, but that didn't happen. I know both places could work for me, they would just entail making some major changes. But I guess that is what life is all about. I mean, if two years ago someone said I would be living in Germany, I would have thought they were crazy, but here I am.

I think most people who know me are aware of my belief that things happen for a reason an that it is up to us to figure out what the reason is. Right now I don't know what is going to happen, where I will end up and how things will look. Hopefully within the next week or so at least some things will begin falling into place. In the meantime, I have my German Integration class to occupy my time and in just two months I have a major exam I need to take, and of course pass!

Happy Birthday Aunt Sugar!

Today my aunt turns, well, let's just say it's her birthday :) As you can see from the heading I call her Aunt Sugar. According to the story told to me, as a young(er) person I was not able to say her name correctly and would call her Aunt Sugar instead of Aunt Cheryl. The name stuck and she still gets called it, at least by me. It seems pretty fitting as well as she is one of the sweetest people you could ever meet and is so full of life, love and joy. She is a real pleasure to be around and I am very thankful to know she has my back!!

By the way, this picture is from Christmas 2005 and as you can see from the photo, she wants more gifts. You know I like that in a person, gimme, gimme more, gimme more, gimme, gimme more.

The good news keeps coming (that's sarcasm)

With the teaching job possibly out of the picture, I looked at the flight to the US that I was hoping to take in December. If I get the job of teaching English to the children in Basel, then that trip can't happen, so with it on hold I looked at the flight and now it is no longer available. Other flights do exist, but they cost roughly 100 Euros ($144) more than the flight I originally looked in to. Time to do some deep breathing and remind myself that everything happens for a reason. And right now that reason must be to work my last nerve :)

And like that things change

Well, I just received an email from the job in Basel that they are doing some checking to ensure that I have the necessary qualifications to do the job. So much for having a doctorate degree :) Now, at this time the three-day trial work that was scheduled for next week is on hold and I should hopefully hear something by next Monday. From my perspective, this should have been dealt with before offering me the 3-day trial run, but what do I know?!?

Oh, and of the other jobs I have applied for here, most have returned my vitae thanking me for applying but stating they are not interested in me. Such a boost for one's self-esteem :) However, because I tend to be a bit narcissistic and am able to complement myself like you wouldn't believe, I will say this about me; I am one persistent, young, attractive, highly intelligent and modest human being!

Thinking on the job situation

I decided that after my class today, which went by really fast, that I would do some studying (working ahead in my workbook) and also writing out some thoughts on the two jobs. Though neither job has made an offer, I want to have my thoughts in order in case that time comes. The job in Basel doesn't begin until the beginning of November; however, the job in Chicago could start as early as the end of this month. So, many thoughts are going through my brain right now. Both sides have pros and cons and according to Carsten I need to make my decision based on my mind not my heart. In other words, the German way :) Now, anyone who knows me has got to realize that me making a decision without involving my heart is like me saying no to a Gin and Tonic. Basically it isn't going to happen!!! Where is Dionne Warwick and her Psychic Friends Network right now to tell me what my future holds???

Another job interview

Today was a good day. I had my class this morning and although I had one month off, I have not forgotten as much as I had expected. I am not saying I remember everything, but I seem to remember enough :)

My afternoon was filled with homework and some cleaning and then late afternoon/early evening my time I had a phone interview for a job in Chicago. The interview lasted 1.5 hours and went really well. I really enjoy interviewing and I had a good time during this one. Now it is a waiting game to see what happens. It looks like I have a lot of things to think about and try to make sense of my situation. Any feedback or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

In other news, all is going well and I am looking forward to seeing what this next phase in my life is going to look like.

My return to school

It is hard to believe that my one month of vacation is already over. For the most part, it was a fun month off, with only a couple of blips in things. But now it is back to the books and having some structure in my life, or at least in the mornings.

In other news, the job I interviewed for yesterday has already sent me an email asking me to come for three days next week on a trial basis to see how the kids like me. I am not sure how that will work with my own schooling, as well as wanting to get paid for my time, but hopefully I can get answers to those things in the next couple of days.

A day of reflection

Well, the entire day was not spent reflecting, but much of it was. You see, today was my interview in Basel, Switzerland for a position teaching English to preschool aged children. The picture to the right is me before I left the house for the interview. Speaking of leaving the house, I left at around 10:30am to catch the bus outside my apartment and walked through my apartment door at 5:30pm. Now, keep in mind that my interview was only 45 minutes long. The rest of the time was waiting for trains, walking around Basel waiting for my appointment time, waiting for more trains and then making it home. If I should be offered and accept this position, please let me find a more suitable train schedule :)

Now, on to the reflecting part. It occurred to me that if this job works out I would not be able to come home for a visit for quite some time. I need a job, but I also need a trip back home. Also, I have a phone interview later this week with a job in the States; however, am I really ready to leave Germany yet? I don't know. We finally got our furniture, after spending so much money on it, it feels like such a waste to just leave. Plus, I love living here. These (and many others) were my thoughts today while on trains and waiting for trains.

Tomorrow I return to my school. Can you believe my month off is over already; I know I can't! I am looking forward to returning to my routine and having more to do.

Alica's gone :(

Today we had to take Alica back to Frankfurt to catch her flight back to Chicago. The drive is about 3 hours each way, but thankfully we didn't have too much traffic or construction to deal with. She arrived at the airport with plenty of time, especially since her flight was delayed a bit. After dropping her off we began the three hour drive back to Freiburg. We again had mostly smooth sailing, but we were also glad when we arrived back home. The rest of the day was preparing for the week ahead, as well as me taking a bit of a nap.

This week has some major things happening, so check back throughout the week to see what is happening with us over here.

And to hold you over a bit, click on the link here to see the week with Alica caught on pictures.

Another low-key day

Even though we behaved ourselves at the beer garden, we did not do too much today. The weather was sunny, but not nearly warm enough to hang out at the pool. So instead Alica exposed me to a new TV program, "Eastbound and Down." It is clearly only for adults and has great writing and very funny moments in each episode. Now, from my perspective it only makes since that Alica should open my eyes to another TV program, since during her visit I exposed her to the classic program Maude. It's all about balance people!!!

Later in the evening we played a few games of Yahtzee and then watched a couple episodes of Golden Girls, I swear it was her choice!!!

A change in plans

Here is what I had planned for today: going jogging, eating breakfast, going to the nearby pool, heading off to the medieval torture museum and ending the day at a beer garden. Now, here is what really happened: went jogging/walking, had crap weather and so the pool was out of the question, the museum was closed for good so no going there, but the night did end with us going to a beer garden. The beer tastes so much better here than in the US.

The picture to the right is Alica working the bus stop on our way down to the beer garden. She should be in catalogues :)

Strasbourg

Today Alica and I had our own little adventure. We hopped on a train (and then another train, and then another train) and eventually, actually after only 2.5 hours, in Strasbourg, France. We walked around the City Centre, saw the big cathedral, drank a $5 coke, ate a baguette sandwich and walked around some more. We had a fun time; I mean, how many people can say they decided to spend an afternoon in France?!?

For dinner the three of us had dinner at a little restaurant close to our apartment. The food was really quite good. It was the first time I have eaten in the area and am glad that the first experience was a good one!

Only two more full days until we take Alica back to the airport. That also means my month long school break is almost over. Where does the time go?

A topsy-turvy day

The day started out promising, with Alica and I getting up and going in jogging. However, by early afternoon the day took a turn for the worse. Carsten and I received some bad news that we need to take care of quickly, which put a bit of a damper on the day. However, by the end of the day, we ordered a pizza and watched the movie Paul Blart: Mall Cop. I think it is safe to say that of the three of us I liked the movie the best, but really that isn't saying much about the film. Oh, and as for the pizza, they sent us the wrong one, but delivered the right one for free, so now we have pizza to spare.

Tomorrow Alica and I are having an adventure of our own, so keep a look out for what is in store for Thursday!!!

A low key day

Today was a much more relaxing day. Alica slept in for a bit and I did some reading. Later in the afternoon she and I went into the City Centre to do some shopping. I have no pictures of the outing, nor did we buy anything :( The weather was rainy and neither of us found anything that we couldn't live without. Hopefully the weather will be better tomorrow and we can do something extra fun!!!

Basel

Today the three of us took the train and headed to Basel, Switzerland. To sum up the day it was sunny, hot and a lot of walking. We went into some shops, sat by the river Rhine and basically walked around the city centre trying not to melt. The picture here to the right is of Carsten and Alica this morning at the train stop right by our house.

While in Basel we saw something kind of interesting and fun. It was people with all their clothes in an orange inflatable bag floating down the river. I think it looked like a lot of fun and now need to find me one of those bags. Oh, and the people weren't naked, but were wearing swimsuits. After re-reading the post I thought some of you might think it was a naked adventure that I was looking into :)

Fun in Freiburg

Today was a bit of a low-key day. It started with Alica and I going for a walk after breakfast that lasted 1.5 hours. I showed her my running path as well as the neighborhood I live in. Afterward the three of us took the bikes and rode to the city centre. Basically nothing is open on Sunday's, but I thought it might be nice for her to see the downtown when it isn't covered with a ton of people (we will see enough of that later in the week). We had a nice and leisure walk though the city and ate dinner at my favorite Chinese restaurant. Now we are at home and enjoying a calm night at home, as we are leaving for Basel, Switzerland tomorrow. As for the pictures from today, I plan to put up one picture from the day with each blog entry and will add a link at the end of the visit to see all the pictures from our week together.

I'm back home, but not alone :)

We made it back home and the cats survived the days without us. They are clearly happy to have us back in their company.

So, the week was pretty good; we had some fun, did some relaxing and ate way too much food...as usual.

The picture to the right is my new hair style. I went in with a picture and said I want this cut and this color. I didn't really get either, but I do like how it looks. When I told him I wanted blonde his question was "Blonde or Prison-Yard Blonde?" I decided I didn't really want any look associated with a prison yard (been there, done that) and decided to just go with blonde. I have had this color before, but it has been many years ago. It is a fun color though. Hopefully any job interview I might have will be okay with the color.

The highlight of the week was on Thursday when Carsten, his sister, her boyfriend (Peter) and me went to a climbing park called Kletterpark. It was a bit scary at times. Enough so that Peter decided not to do it after the first attempt. It was a lot of fun, but man was I scared and sweaty. I clearly have some fears that had not been obvious before. Anyway, to see pictures of us, just click here.

After the climbing park, we went to see a nearby dam on the Edersee. To see those pictures, click here.

Now we are back home and on the way we swung by the airport in Frankfurt and picked up Alica. I will try to take many pictures and share our time with all of you as much as possible. Oh, and she said the pictures of our place don't do it justice, it really is something to see in person. So, get on a plane and make a visit :)

Now, just try to keep up :)

Last night after getting home one thing I was looking forward to was watching my favorite German crime series, only to find out it played on Saturday this week instead of its normal Sunday night time. That is not untypical of the German TV, things seem to play whenever. Instead I watched one of my favorite programs from the 90's, The Profiler. I loved that show then and still love it now. After 4 episodes I decided to phone Alica, you know, just to make sure we are all set for her visit. When all was said and done I went to bed around 4:30am.

After waking up around 9:15am, Carsten and I had a brief conversation about our options for this week, which we spoke about last night, and decided that we would try going to his mom's again. However, this time without the cats. Carsten phoned a co-worker who is able and willing to stop by periodically to watch the cats. Anyone who knows me knows I have little to no trust in people and have concerns about a relative stranger in my home, but Carsten seems okay with this so maybe I should let me fears try to rest.

With that, I bid you farewell until next weekend when I will return home. Have a great week!!

This BLOWS!!!

Well, we are back home already. So disappointing. Everything seemed to be off to a fine start, but a little over one hour into the trip Zoe started to over-heat. Now, this isn't surprising since it was around 90 degrees today and our car doesn't have A/C. We left later in the day hoping this would help, but it didn't. We even had a couple water dishes back there for them, but this also did no good. We stopped for about 20 minutes to let her out of the car and walk around a bit, which helped some. But shortly after getting back into the hot car she was back at it. So, do ensure her safety we decided to head back home. Now not only will we not get to see Carsten's mom (as well as me having one week off from cooking and cleaning) but we will also miss our hair appointments. Since I haven't had one since Easter I am desperately over due for one. Such a bummer!!!

So disappointing

As much as I was looking forward to dancing last night, it turned out to be a bit of a bust. In the end, I stayed at the club for about 2h 45m but only danced to one song. TO hear that one song, click here.

Now, I know you are thinking to yourself "how can this be, you love dancing?" Well, though that is true, I don't love dancing when I am so hot and sweaty that I feel gross. I mean, what is it with no A/C here? The other thing I have come to notice is that going out dancing without any friends just isn't as much fun. Since I have no friends here it just makes going out almost a reminder of how lonely I feel. So, I came home and watched some Family Guy on TV. Nothing like stupid humor to make the blues go away. I went to bed sometime after 3am and at some point after that Carsten came home from the club. Since he had friends there it just made sense for him to stay and enjoy the night. The next dance is on September 12th, maybe I will have more fun at that one.

Anyway, now we are packing and getting everything ready for the trip to Carsten's mom's place. It appears as though today will be another 90 degree day. Thank goodness we have A/C in the car. Oh wait, that's right we don't have it there either. Looks like a long, hot ride to the middle of nowhere :)

I'm back next Saturday and with Alica; so until then have a great week!!!

Something unheard of happened!

Well, last night I went to bed shortly after 10pm. That is super early for me! And the best part is I fell asleep rather quickly. I woke up at 2:30am and struggled at falling back asleep, but eventually I did and remained asleep until 10:15am. I think that is more sleep than I have had all week.

So, my day so far has been to go running, I did some laundry and then we ate brunch. After brunch we went for a bike ride; as we were trying to find a particular flea market, though we never did find it. Since arriving back home I have spent some time doing German learning and doing dishes. Now we are preparing to eat dinner and then later tonight we are going dancing. I am so excited to shake my money maker. Although the time difference is off and I am thousands of miles away, tonight I am celebrating Alica's birthday by dancing up a storm!! I say this because I know she is celebrating tonight as well :)

This week's poll is closed!

This week's poll was about outings for Alica during her visit. The winner with 62% of the votes was Go To A German Beer Garten. In second place with 25% of the votes was shopping in the city centre and in third place with 12% was to go hiking. And with no votes was going to an Amusement Park.

Thank you for your votes and I will keep you posted on what we are doing during her visit. Only one week until she arrives!!!

A step in the right direction!

Finally, I have heard from one of the jobs. I just received an email from the job I applied for in Switzerland. Although the email just stated that they are still in the process of reviewing applications and will make a decision next week as to who they want to interview, it is nice just to hear something. Maybe all the other jobs I applied for (including the new one I applied for late last night) will also reach out and let me know where things are at!?!

Taking a break

It has been a productive day, even with the lack of sleep. So far I have done the laundry, polished (again), cleaned the windows on the inside and outside, vacuumed and mopped the floors. Now I am taking a break before I go jogging. Although I am never satisfied with how clean things are, I think I am okay with things for now. Of course the cats will have litter and hair all over before we leave on Sunday, but I will just try to take care of that when the time comes.

Dawn of the dead

With the lack of sleep I am getting this week I am feeling as though I am a zombie from one of George Romero's movies. However, instead of eating brains I just bite the heads of people, and by people I mean Carsten :)

However, no pity party today; I have too much to do to prepare for the week at my mother-in-law's place and then for Alica's visit.

It's almost 4am so I guess I should go to bed

So tonight (or last night depending on how you look at it) I applied for one more job here in Freiburg. It is a job I think I would like and although it appears to only be temporary, it is better than no work (or income) at all.

The highlight of my night tonight though was my 4-hour phone call with my BFF Laura. Yes, you read that correctly. It's still not our longest phone call on record, but I believe it is getting close.

But now I should probably think about getting some sleep since Carsten's alarm will go off in just two short hours.

Sweet dreams everyone :)

OMG, it finally happened!

After three days I finally got a good night sleep. Although I didn't fall asleep until 2:30am, when I was asleep it was a sound sleep. I did hear Carsten's alarm go off this morning and when he got out of bed I asked if he wanted me to make him some coffee. Thankfully he said no and I was out again. I believe he came in to tell me goodbye, but I can't be certain of that. He mentioned that I hit him in the nose at some point, but I have no memory of that either. I mean I was out cold!! It's like a blackout but without the alcohol; so I've been told.

As for my day today, once I finally got out of bed, which was quite late; maybe the latest I have slept in since moving to Germany??? Anyway, I ate some brunch and then started in on my daily cleaning. I got a new cleaning toy yesterday...a Swiffer. Not the kind for the floor, but for dusting. Who knew dusting could be so much fun?!? I also went jogging today. In the last two weeks I have gone jogging every day but two. And of course I did some studying.

Oh, the other thing I did today was apply for more work. As of today I have 5 open applications for jobs here and two open applications for jobs in Chicago. Wish me luck I find work soon!

Now, I am sure some of you are thinking that my last two weeks of vacation do not sound all that fun. Well, I can tell you that I don't do anything without thinking about it thoroughly and my 4-week vacation is no different. My plan has been to clean, study, etc for the first two weeks. The third week we are at Carsten's mom's place and I plan to study some there, but since I will be talking in German 99% of the time I don't know how much energy I will have for studying. Plus it is just fun to hang out and enjoy the time with his mom. And then the last week my friend Alica is here and I plan to do zero studying then and to just have fun. End with a blast...that's my plan.

Happy Birthday Alica!

In honor of my BFF Alica's birthday, here is a poem just for you...

If I liked the V,

I'd be with U

But I like the D

So I am here with C

And soon,

U will B here with Me!

I miss and love you lots, have a great day!!!

A great day!

Although I have been without sleep I managed to have a pretty super day. Everything that I wanted to get done today I achieved. Carsten even came home early from work so we could go looking at more light fixtures for the apartment. Although we didn't find anything, it's nice to get some ideas. I also received a nice email from my dad and considering our recent exchanges it was a nice shift in things.

The rest of my week is mostly filled with studying and then on Friday I will do a major cleaning, including scrubbing the floors. Saturday night Carsten and I are going dancing and then I am guessing around noon or so on Sunday we are driving the 4-5 hours to his mom's place. And then before I know it Alica will be here for her visit. Thank you to everyone who has voted so far on this week's poll and providing your input as to what we should do while she is here.

Still lacking sleep

I would love to say that I got a full night's rest last night, but that just wouldn't be true. I finally fell asleep around 3:30am, which is better than the previous night! Although I feel quite tired today, I have a lot to do. Since yesterday was basically a bust, I need to wash the bedding, do some cleaning and possibly go to the grocery store. Of course I also need to study, since that is basically all my life is :) Maybe going for a run will perk me up?!?

I wish my brain had an on/off switch

To say that I was unable to sleep last night would be a huge understatement. I was so tired but my mind wouldn't shut off. I was jumpy from thought-to-thought-to-thought. You name it, I was thinking of it. I got up for 45 minutes during the night and sent some emails and such, but I was so tired I couldn't even focus on that, and yet I was still unable to fall asleep. The last time I looked at the clock it was just before 5am. Carsten's alarm went off at 6:10am and from that point on I slept on and off until shortly after 9am. All that being said, I am doing nothing today. No cleaning, no running, no German learning. I tried to watch TV but even that seemed to take too much energy. Thankfully Carsten is able to go to the grocery store today to pick up something for dinner, as I have no desire to leave the apartment today. No napping, no caffeine, nothing like that today. I will sleep tonight if it kills me! Though it is cloudy and looks like rain, the perfect weather for a nap. No, no, I must be strong and resist the temptation to close my eyes and let Mr. Sandman in.

I got so wet today

The weather forecast predicted rain for much of today. It was raining so hard this morning that Carsten took the car to work instead of riding his bike. I think this is only the second time he has done that in the 8 months we have lived here. Anyway, after doing some laundry and cleaning the apartment I decided to go running, since the rain stopped and the sun was out. Clearly that was a mistake because after about 3 miles the rain poured down from the sky and I got soaked. I mean I could not believe how wet I had gotten so quickly. I made it home and finally got the wet clothes off me.

Later in the afternoon I phoned my grandma. It was important to me that I call her today as today is the 10-year anniversary of my grandfather's passing. She was in surprisingly good spirits and told the story of how yesterday she got soaked by the rain while at a family reunion.

Once Carsten arrived home from work we took our bikes to the city centre to do some shopping. The rain had stopped again and thankfully this time it stayed away so we were both dry.

The day ended with a phone call to Alica to tell her all about my plans for her time here. 12 more days!!!

A new post is up!

This week's post will only be available for about five days, as I am living at the end of the week to visit Carsten's mom.

Anyway, the question is what I should make sure to do while my friend Alica is here visiting. She will be here in less than two weeks...yeah :) The choices I have listed are:

1. German Beer Garden

2. Go to an Amusement Park

3. Hiking

4. Shopping in the City Center

I have started to create an itinerary for the time she is here and your input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!!

And the winner is...

So, this week's poll has ended, which asked what should be my next hair color. Thank you to all of you who voted. Here are the results:

0% for both Bald and Other

14% for Reddish

28% for Brown

57% for Blonde

The rain stayed away

As is not too unusual, the weather forecast was incorrect. So, no rain as predicted. However, even without the rain we didn't do much of anything outside. Well, that's not completely true; Carsten did sit out on the balcony reading work-related stuff for much of the afternoon and I did go running. But the highlight of the day was hanging some of the our pictures around the apartment. We did not hang all of them up and are still trying to decide what we want to do about wall art in the living room/dining room area, but what we did put up looks fantastic.

And of course to end this Sunday I watched my new favorite show that I wrote about last week. I found tonight's episode particularly interesting as it had to do with pedophilia, satanism and murder. Next Sunday we will be at Carsten's mom's place, but I am hoping to still be able to catch this show. I know, it is only a TV show, but the way I look at it one of my homework assignments for school during the month break was to watch German television programming. So basically, this is just me doing homework :)

What to do when the weather is crap?

Shopping, what else!?! So after breakfast and a relaxing morning we did some grocery shopping. Afterward we decided to go look for rugs and lights. We ended up buying one light that we put up in the living room. We originally bought it for the kitchen ceiling, and decided if it didn't work there we would put it up in the bedroom. Now I know you are thinking "but you said it is in the living room?" Yes, that is where we put it. The light is just too big for the kitchen and also wasn't a good fit in the bedroom. But in the living room, yes, that is where it fit quite nicely.

After a day of shopping we decided to rent a DVD. If was Carsten's pick and he chose Rocknrolla. This movie is a Guy Ritchie movie and as hard as it is to believe, especially since he used to be married to Madonna, I have never seen one of his films. Yes, tonight was my "Guy" virgin experience. And I loved it, the film that is. The plot was interesting, the acting was great and the action was not too over-the-top. I was entertained the entire 2 hours and if you like action films I think you might want to give this one a try.

Since the weather report is calling for rain again tomorrow, I am hoping we hang some of our pictures up on the walls and then the place will really be coming together.

Do you know what today is?

Today is my 10 month anniversary of living in Germany. Yes, it has already been 10 months. It seems like just yesterday I was living out of suitcases and hoping from bed to bed. And now here I am with an almost settled apartment and still struggling to communicate with people. Oh, and don't forget, still unemployed. But it isn't all bad. The landscape is beautiful over here, my apartment is fantastic and I am living in freaking Europe!!!! And I guess it is great being here with Carsten :) All that being said, I would love a visit to the US sometime soon. I miss all my peeps!!!

The weather is about to turn

This week the weather has been fantastic. It has been mid-70's to low 80's during the day and upper 50's at night. I have ran everyday and have enjoyed sitting out on the balcony. However, the weather report indicates rain for the next three days. I guess that means no hiking or biking trips this weekend!!! So, I am not sure what the plan is, but hopefully it will be something fun and out of the house.

In about one week we leave for Carsten's mom's place for a week and in about two weeks my dear friend Alica arrives for a visit. I guess I would rather have the rain now than when she is here.

Operation: S.H.H.T.F. Continues

Before today two people had been involved in my operation. Both interactions went quite well and now it is the waiting game to see what, if anything, changes. Today I involved someone else in the operation. It has become apparent to me that by holding people accountable and being truthful with them for how their behaviors impact me/make me feel, that I could lose some of these relationships. I was prepared for that from the start, otherwise it wouldn't make much sense to be doing this. Thankfully thus far that hasn't been an issue, though with the operation today that could very well be the end result.

I realize that as I write about all of this it appears as though it is some type of game to me, since I am writing quite light-hearted about it. I want to make it clear that none of this is fun and I believe the reason all this is coming out now is that I am far away and with more time on my hands to think about things and people that have really hurt me over the years. Plus as I have been working on my autobiography issues keep coming up and it makes sense to deal with the stuff now rather than later.

The Germans and their dogs

I have been living in Germany for 10 months now (effective this Saturday) and I believe I have a better understanding of the German people as a whole. Now, I am not trying to lump every German into one group, as I have met some who don't fit the description I am about to share. However, for the most part, the one's I have come into contact with I find to be unfriendly, opinionated, selfish and lack any understanding or connection to their emotions. I know you are thinking "Wow, that sounds awfully brutal." As I said, not every German is like this. For example I don't believe that Carsten's mother has all of these qualities. I have talked with Carsten about how impolite I find Germans when he and I are out and about. Such as if I hold the door open someone will walk through without saying thank you. Carsten says that please and thank you are American traits and not often found in other parts of the world. Maybe that is true since I have been exposed to many different cultures in my various language classes here and the only ones that seem to say please and thank you are me and the women from Africa. In regards to the understanding and connection to their emotions, I have a perfect example. A woman in my class here recently miscarried. Upon finding out, one of the teachers asked is she would be back in class the next day, stating it was probably best for her to keep going and forget about what happened. My mouth literally dropped open. I was so stunned by this.

In terms of Germans and their dogs, it appears that over half the population here has a dog. Which is great and I love dogs. I hope to have one of my own someday. But what is different here than in the US is that dogs seem to be allowed to go anywhere. On the bus, train, in cafes or restaurants, basically any place a human goes the dog can as well. I have yet to see one in a movie theater, but I wouldn't be shocked if I happened to come across one there. Anyway, my big issue with all these dogs is that no one here really seems to follow the leash law. It is so bad that I just assumed that they didn't have on; until I asked Carsten and he said that in fact Germany does have a leash law. I can honestly say in the amount of time I have been here I think I have seen less that 10 dogs on a leash. Okay, fine. Let the dog run free. That is much more fun for the dog I am sure. But when I am jogging and trying to get by, would kill a German to restrain or move the dog? I can't tell you how many times I have to run basically through bushes to get past a dog because they are able to run free and the owner could care less--going back to the selfishness and unfriendly.

So, where does this leave me. Loving my cats, Zoe and Lela. They are fantastic; playful and full of love. And since this week has been an emotional roller coaster, both cats have been more affectionate and just as cute as can be (though I might be a bit biased). To see pictures of my babies over the years, click here.

The day has gone better than expected

After not going to bed until roughly 4:30 this morning I was a bit concerned about being able to get up and make it through the day. On top of being tired, I had implemented what I refer to as "Operation Sh*it Has Hit The Fan." Now, if you are wondering what on Earth this could possibly mean, it goes back to an entry a couple weeks ago about holding people accountable. I have decided to enforce the old saying "The Truth Will Set You Free" and have started sharing the truth with people in my life who I have sheltered over the years. So far it has turned out better than I could have imagined. It is still early in the operation, but if it continues as it has so far this might be the way to go with all my relationships :) Maybe honesty really is the best policy.

So, in other news I have managed to run every day this week as well as last Sunday, the day after my major hiking trip. If I can keep this up maybe I can get back into a smaller size of pants before I return to the States for a visit.

And to make this day even better, the sexy downstairs neighbor is mowing the lawn in just a pair of shorts and shoes. Speaking of limited clothing, no this isn't about me, while I was on my run today I saw two women in their early 20's naked in the creek that runs along the running path. It is not uncommon that I see naked people in the water there, it's just that normally the people are less attractive and, well I'll just leave it at that.

Time for bed

It is after 4am and I have yet to go to bed. I was able to accomplish a lot tonight and hope to sleep quite soundly. Thankfully I don't have to get up for school or I would really be screwed. Pleasant dreams to all.

What to do?

I had such high hopes for today and all I wanted to get accomplished, but in the end it was basically a wasted day. The one thing I did actually get done was going jogging. Normally after a good run, which today was, my head is cleared and I can focus better, but today that was not the case. I feel like I have a lot on my mind and need to make some decisions; as well as have conversations with some people who are making choices that I believe are negatively impacting my life. However when push comes to shove I just feel paralyzed, stuck if you will, and end up doing nothing. When I feel like this I like to review the book The Power Of Now. However, even doing this hasn't helped. By the way, if you have not read this book I would highly recommend it. The day isn't over yet, so maybe I still have hope...maybe!

A pretty productive day

Today was my official first day without class; it seems to me that I shouldn't count the weekend since I would have that off anyway. So, what did I do? I slept in for starters. After that I ate some breakfast, cleaned the apartment, and then went jogging. Later in the afternoon I applied for a job (in Chicago) and then went to meet Carsten after he finished work so we could buy some nails and a new kitty litter box. Exciting stuff there, huh?!?

So, I am sure some of you are wondering why apply for a job in Chicago. Well, I don't know exactly how to answer that on here, so for the moment I won't. But what I will say is that I think the bottom line is really Sallie Mae. She has a lot of control over my life and clearly I need to be employed to satisfy her and her greedy ways :)

Tonight I watched a soccer match between Dusseldorf and Hamburg. I really love watching soccer and enjoyed the match quite a lot. I don't understand all the rules, but never-the-less it is still pretty entertaining for me.

My new favorite show

I don't watch that much television, as I prefer to watch DVDs. This was also true while I was living in the States. It seems to be the case even more so over here since I only have two channels in English, MTV and CNN. However, I have found a Swedish television program that has been dubbed into German that I absolutely love. It plays every Sunday from 9:45pm-11:15pm. It is called Irene Huss and appears to be based on a book. It only began airing here a few weeks ago but already I am hooked on the title character. I found a little snippet on it here, if you are interested in reading about it.

The new poll is up!

Okay, this poll is going to include pictures. Of me of course :)

So, I am finally going to have a hair appointment on August 19th. I will have a cut and color done; my first color since September 2008 in Chicago. Now, here comes the poll question:

What color do you like best?

1. Blonde

2. Brown

3. Bald

4. Reddish

5. Other

To see the picture options, click here.

A fairly good Sunday

We decided to go hiking yesterday as the weather report for today was not looking too good. However, it turned out to be a pretty decent day, weather wise. I was unable to sleep last night, finally going into bed at 3am. It took forever to fall asleep and then I woke up twice to use the washroom. I was out of bed for the day by 9:30am and started in with giving the cats food, cleaning their litter box and sweeping the floors. After taking out the garbage and preparing some breakfast the day officially began. Because you know my day doesn't officially begin until after I have had some coffee :)

To my surprise I was able to go running today. I thought for sure that after the hike yesterday that my legs would be too sore. And the run was even really quite great. I ran faster than I normally do and it felt as though I just had more energy.

Tonight for dinner I made some baked fish, fried potato wedges and spinach. It all tasted so yummy. Oh, and white wine to wash it all down. I am really glad I enjoy cooking otherwise meals would be a real pain since I don't think Carsten enjoys preparing food all that much. I guess we just compliment one another in this way.

Who's your favorite Golden Girl?

The poll from last week was Who is your favorite Golden Girl? Coincidentally my favorite one was the winner. That;s right, Dorothy came out of top as the favorite Golden Girl. Long live Bea Arthur!!

Even too tired to sleep

My body is a bit sore from the hike today. Mostly my feet; plus my face hurts from being so sun-burned. Anyway, I was switching through the channels tonight and came across one of my all-time favorite old movies. And by old I mean black and white. But to my surprise they weren't showing one, but all four in the series. I was so excited I ran around the apartment yelling "Miss Marple is on, Miss Marple is on." I remember watching these movies when I was just a wee lad with my mom on PBS. I also saw them in 2005 over the Christmas holiday when I was here visiting Carsten. Like then, I was forced to watch the films in German. However, since I can understand the language more, I was better able to follow the movie this time than the last time I watched them in German. To see which Miss Marple films I am talking about, click here, as they are available together in one package through Amazon. Hmm, I may have to buy these at some point.

A Day Of Hiking

Okay, to be honest the whole day wasn't spent hiking. After waking up and getting ready for the day, I swept the floors and then walked to the bakery to buy kaiser rolls for breakfast. After a nice and relaxing breakfast the day of hiking began. We had initially planned to bike there, until we discovered it was 25 kilometers (or 15.5 miles). Thus we decided to drive to where we wanted to hike.

Once we arrived we started on our way, up, up and up even higher. The place we hiked is called Belchen. The top highest point is 1414m above sea level and where we began walking was roughly 450m above sea level. In total it took us roughly 7 hours round-trip. The distance was about 16 kilometers, or roughly 10 miles. On the down-side it was about 90 degrees here today, but on the upside once we made it to the top we were able to stop at a restaurant. Want to guess what we ate? That's right, wurst, fries and beer! On the way down I slipped one time off the trail, just a bit, and needed to grab some weeds to prevent myself from falling more. When I looked over at Carsten, who was not helping me at the time, appeared to be grabbing for the camera to catch it all on film. Such a sweet guy! No, I'm not saying it wouldn't be funny to watch but I can say it was quite scary at the moment. But thankfully no harm was done and everything turned out safe and sound. If you would like to see pictures from the hike today, click here.

Once back home we were both too tired to go to the video store for a DVD. We are also both too tired to cook so we ate a pizza and had a grapefruit beer. I love that stuff!!

I am free for one month!

Today was my last day of class until Tuesday, September 1! I am so excited to have a break from going to class. I have plenty of work to do over the break to help me continue to learn German, as well as spending one week with Carsten's mom who doesn't speak English, so I am hoping I don't forget too much. As much as I love to learn, my brain needs a holiday from being "on" all the time.

You want me to do what?

Sometimes in my class we are given tasks that I don't think I could even do in English, let alone in German. And today I was given a task that perfectly demonstrates what I am talking about. My task was to plan a street festival here in Freiburg. I needed to plan where, how to advertise it, how to have food and drinks available, how many people I wanted there, what I would have for entertainment and how to organize the entertainment. Um, I don't even really know any street names here let alone know how to plan a party on one! So, I pulled something out of my thin air and it seemed to be enough for the teacher today. However, I found out that this is exactly the type of thing I will need to do for my big exam in November. All of this leaves me with one question: Why am I here doing this again?

Pictures from the past

Tonight has been a productive night. I decided that after my day today I would try to do something that brought me joy. Now, don't get my wrong, my day was not all that bad. It's just that we took another test today in my class and I didn't do as well as I wanted to. The test was beyond my current level, but is where I need to be come November. Anyway, I didn't pass by one question. Dammit! Well, after class I did some retail therapy as that is always good medicine. I bought a couple small things for the apartment. Once I got back home I cleaned some, tried to organize the office a bit, surfed the Internet and then prepared dinner (leberkäse, roasted potatoes and peas & carrots). After dinner Carsten got a phone call about meeting up with some friends for a beer. I decided not to go. I know, me turn down beer...unheard of. But here's the thing. It is so hard for me to follow everything that is being said when I am in a group of people. I have to focus on what is being said and then in my head try to translate it and by then the topic has changed. So Carsten went by himself and I stayed at home. I went through some of my pictures and have now made them available through my blog.

* To see pictures of my trip in 2003 to Detroit, Niagara Falls and Toronto click here.

* To see pictures of my trip in 2003 to Arizona click here.

* To see pictures of my trip in 2004 to Michigan click here.

* To see pictures of my trip in 2007 to Arizona click here.

Happy Birthday Courtney!

Wow, I can't believe Courtney is almost 40 years old. I mean, dang she is OLD! Luckily she has had work done to keep herself looking and feeling young. What's that you say; she hasn't had any work done? Well, then I guess that would explain the picture :)

All joking aside, besides the fact that she is really old, she is a very special person in my life. She and I have had many experiences together, both positive and negative, and have still remained close friends though it all. We don't always see eye-to-eye but we do always try to understand the other person's perspective.

I hope you have a wonderful birthday and may your year be filled with much happiness and many blessings. And by blessings I mean Botox, Chemical Resurfacing and Rhinoplasty!

Change in plans

So, I have been planning for a couple months now to try and make it back to the US in November 2009; however, that is no longer going to happen. I forgot that as a Christmas gift last year I received concert tickets to see Pink this November; so between that date, my big exam and the holiday traffic with Thanksgiving, November is not an option. I will keep everyone posted though as to when I might be back for a visit.

My head is about to explode

I just got back home from class and though I am excited about finally learning something new, wow is it ever challenging my brain-power. For the past month or so my class has felt quite redundant; not learning anything new only reviewing. And though that can be helpful it can also be quite boring. Well now that we have started something entirely new I have no worries about being bored. My only concern is how much will I retain after my one month break from school?!? But I guess I can worry about that in September when my class resumes :)

A long day today

To day began at 5am when Zoe was throwing up in the hallway between the bedroom and living room. Thankfully after a little while I was able to fall back asleep, but I don't think Carsten was as fortunate. My class went pretty well. We are learning something new and it is a bit difficult for me. When things come up that we don't have in the English language I feel totally lost, well more so than normal. I even had the teacher try to explain it to me during our break to see if one-on-one I could grasp it, but so far no luck. Maybe tomorrow it will become clear.

In the afternoon I did three loads of laundry, went to the grocery store and then did my normal Monday afternoon cleaning. I have my own ritual for cleaning on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. With Fridays being the big cleaning day of the three. Anyway, Carsten came home early today, which was a nice surprise. I was also able to reach my mom on the telephone and get caught up with her. Shortly after dinner a co-worker of Carsten's stopped by for a visit so we sat out on the balcony and drank a couple beers and chatted. It started to rain but one of the great things about our balcony is that it is covered so we can sit out there even in bad weather. The one flaw with this is that I can't lay out for a little nude sunbathing :) And the neighbors rejoice!!!!

The next poll is up

I decided to do a Golden Girls poll. Since I have been having marathons this weekend of the show I thought I would find out who your favorite Golden Girl is. So, who is it; Dorothy, Blanche, Rose or Sophia? Vote to the left and find out the results next week.

The latest poll has ended

Well, this week's poll has closed and the month of November won out. In second place was June, followed by "Another month," which I believe was from Kris who wanted October.

So, my original plan before doing this poll was to be home before the end of the year, most likely in November. I am not sure how realistic that is, but as soon as I have some information you know I will be posting it on here.

Feldberg

Today Carsten and I decided to go hiking at Felberg. Apparently watching Journey To The Middle Of The Earth made us want to have our own adventure. Anyway, I had been to Feldberg once before, in the winter of 2005, when I had come over here to visit Carsten. Of course then it was covered in snow and looked completely different. Today was the perfect day for a hike, not too hot and not too cold. I was still a hot, sweaty mess most of the time, but I blame it one the fact that I was the one carrying the backpack:) In total I believe we walked roughly 8 miles in about 4 hours or so. We stopped for 30 minutes at the half way point for something to eat and drink. Of course the drink was a beer, I am in Germany after all, and to eat Carsten had soup and I had a bratwurst. We are both pooped after the hike and neither of us feels like cooking dinner so it is a pizza night...yeah!!!! Anyway, to check out pictures from the hike, click here.

The rest of Saturday

Though their was a dance happening tonight, neither one of us was really in the mood for that; hard to believe I didn't want to shake my money maker I know! Anyway, we decided to go to another store to check out TVs and a coffee machine and then we rented a movie to watch tonight. One of the things I really like about renting movies here is that if you pick a new release movie and return it the same day it only costs 1.75!! That's a bargain!! Well, the movie we (basically me) chose was Journey To The Center Of The Earth. What can I say, I'm a sucker for Brendan Fraser. The movie was just okay, with some interesting parts but nothing too special. I have never seen a movie in 3-D before and though I tried with this one, it just gave me such a headache that we decided to switch disks and stick with the 2-D. In the end it was mildly entertaining at best. I haven't read the book and was unaware that people still believe in a "Hollow Earth." So, I guess I even learned a little something with this film :)

After the film I decided to have another Golden Girls mini-marathon. Thankfully I own all season of the show so I can have these marathons for days to come!! But I probably won't, I said probably.

I feel like I did a lot, but have a feeling not so much was accomplished

I woke up this morning and went jogging. The weather was fantastic and perfect for a quick run. While I was out jogging Carsten ran some errands and then once we were both back home we ate a late breakfast. We then rode our bikes to the city centre and went to the farmer's market to buy some fresh produce. We proceeded to do some other shopping where Carsten bought himself a new pair of shoes. They were on sale and looked quite nice on him. It takes him much longer to buy shoes, then again I bought 7 pairs last summer on-line so maybe it isn't fair to compare his shopping style to mine :) We then went to look at a coffee pot and new TV and then walked a ways to go to a pet store to look for a new kitty litter box. No new TV, no new coffee machine and no new litter box. We then went to a clothing store where I wanted to buy me a summer scarf (shut-up!) but did not find one I really liked. After that I proceed to look at the kiosks on the street for scarfs and saw a woman I went to school with when I first moved to Freiburg. I talked with her for a bit; she is currently working at one of the kiosks. Then we went to an appliance store to buy vacuum cleaning bags, but the store closed at 4pm and we arrived at 4:15. Now we are home and are both a bit tired. We have no plans as of yet for tonight, but it is still early. I hope everyone is having a great weekend so far.

Happy Birthday Jakob

Today is the birthday of my cousin Lindsey's son, Jakob. Today he turns seven. The picture of him to the right is from a few Christmas' past. I am sure he is still a little terror, but he is cute as ever in my opinion. And since this is my blog, I guess my opinion is the one that really matters here :) Happy Birthday Jakob; I hope you had a great day!!

TV Marathon

With our big screen TV back home I decided to have a little viewing marathon of sorts. However, I did manage to get myself away for a bit and go for a walk for about one hour. It is better than no exercise, but still not has much as I would like to have done, but since it started to rain while I was out there I decided to turn back and return home. So, I know the question on everyone's mind is "what did you watch?" Well, in my typical fashion I started out watching one episode of the original Scooby Doo, followed by several episodes of The Golden Girls (and by several I mean six), and then I watched two episodes of American Dad. But now it is time for bed. Sweet Dreams!

The week is finally over

I am very much ready for this weekend. I have no plans, but after last weekend and the week I have had it has got to be better. And since today has been a much better day I have to believe things are on an up-swing. My class today went quite well. We had a few practice tests and I nailed them; only getting one wrong!! Woo Hoo!!!!

Carsten took an hour off of work this afternoon so we could pick-up the TV. Although we can only use it for DVDs, it is nice to have it back. Now we just need to figure out what we will do in terms of getting something new or just having the two TVs next to one another in the living room. I know, classy...jealous much?

Yesterday I wrote about holding people accountable. Well, one thing I know is that people really don't like it. I seem to be pissing off people everywhere I go. If I keep this up I will have many less people to visit whenever I make it back to the States for a visit. Though I do know of a couple people who are always in my corner. And I thank I love you very much!!!

Happy Birthday Mathias!

Today is the birthday of my special friend Mathias. We originally met in Madison many, many years ago. Although we are literally worlds apart now, with him in Hawaii and me in Germany, we are always together in spirit.

Happy Birthday Mathias, I hope you have a fantastic day!

How to piss people off in one easy step"

Step 1. Hold them accountable

Yes, it really is that simple and I have proof. After receiving a pleasant enough email from my father, I responded with a cordial email, though I did hold him accountable for two things in that email, and the response was that I was bombarded with not one but two scathing, hateful emails. Thankfully I am not judgmental, bitter or any of those other negative things that I am certainly all about!! I did respond to one of his emails in a respectful, though direct way and again held him accountable. I am still waiting for the response, which will either not come or will likely be passive-aggressive, with an emphasis on the aggressive. On the up-side, at least one of my parents is emailing me. (I know, this is also passive-aggressive...where do you think I learned it.) Yes mom, the quip about emailing is for you :) You're never home when I call and you don't even write me an email to let me know how you are doing. I miss you and want to know what is going on with you!